Guilt and shame in addiction: stop the cycle

Shame and guilt are negative feelings about one’s behavior or state, with shame focusing on who a person is and guilt on what they have done. In addiction, these emotions reinforce each other; shame can lead to increased substance use to numb the pain, while guilt strengthens the feeling of failure.

The shame cycle of addiction begins with substance use to reduce shame, which then leads to more feelings of shame due to the behavior, further increasing the urge to use. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle that is difficult to break.

Even in recovery, guilt and shame persist as individuals remember the harm caused during their addiction. The recovery process requires facing these emotions to initiate change.

Overcoming shame in addiction relies on self-compassion and social support, which are essential for breaking the shame cycle. Shame plays a major role in the addiction cycle, making its recognition and active management crucial for recovery.

According to Flanagan (2013) in “The Shame of Addiction” in Frontiers in Psychiatry, addiction involves two normative failures, and feeling shame about addiction is normal and often motivating for recovery, without moralizing addiction again.

What is the shame cycle of addiction?

The shame cycle of addiction is a recurring pattern where feelings of shame and addictive behavior reinforce and sustain each other. This process often begins with experiencing intense shame or humiliation, stemming from viewing one’s actions as immoral or unacceptable.

To avoid these painful emotions, addicts go to great lengths to hide their activities, leading them to isolate themselves and withdraw from social situations. This isolation intensifies the sense of disconnection from their true identity and emotions, triggering new memories or situations that reignite shame.

The shame cycle continues by perpetuating the loop of shameful feelings and addictive behavior. For example, individuals may turn to substances or behaviors such as watching pornography to cope with or numb their shame. However, this behavior often leads to even more shameful situations, reinforcing the cycle.

It is crucial to understand that shame is a powerful emotion that plays a key role in the development and maintenance of addiction. Breaking this deeply ingrained cycle requires learning new coping mechanisms and reconnecting with one’s identity and emotions. This highlights the i

Do addicts feel regret?

Regret is a deep sense of remorse and guilt over something done or left undone, often accompanied by the desire to change the past and make better choices. Addicts frequently experience intense regret, especially when their addictive behaviors have negative consequences for themselves and their loved ones. These feelings can vary in intensity and are influenced by various factors, including the nature of their addiction, their level of awareness of the harm they cause, and their personal values and beliefs.

Addiction often leads to behavior that conflicts with one’s core values, reinforcing feelings of guilt and shame. These emotional states can play both a negative and a positive role in the recovery process. On one hand, they can contribute to a vicious cycle of addiction, where a person turns to substances or behaviors to cope with these emotions, worsening the situation. On the other hand, regret can serve as a powerful motivator for change, encouraging the addict to seek support and actively work on recovery to prevent further harm.

Experiencing regret can also be crucial in making positive changes and repairing relationships damaged by addictive behaviors. Acknowledging and properly managing these feelings can help build a stronger self-image and increase motivation to avoid falling back into old patterns.

However, when regret is not addressed properly, it can lead to overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, increasing the risk of relapse. This is why it is essential for addicts to have access to the right support and resources to process these emotions healthily and learn how to make positive changes in their lives.

Why do guilt and shame persist in addiction recovery?

Guilt and shame persist in addiction recovery for several reasons, with the nine most significant listed below.

• Internalization of negative feelings: People struggling with addiction often internalize guilt and shame due to their past actions. These feelings are difficult to overcome and require active confrontation and processing.
• Fear of judgment: The stigma surrounding addiction makes individuals fear being judged. This fear reinforces feelings of guilt and shame, making recovery more challenging.
• Harm to loved ones: Addiction often leads to hurting loved ones, causing strong feelings of regret and guilt. Repairing these relationships is a long process that requires facing these emotions.
• Violation of personal values: Addictive behavior often conflicts with one’s core values and moral beliefs, leading to internal conflict and a sense of being fundamentally flawed.
• Difficulty with self-forgiveness: The process of forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, is challenging. It requires acknowledging mistakes and letting go of self-blame, which is essential for recovery.
• Contribution to mental health struggles: Addiction and its associated symptoms can worsen existing mental health issues, creating a vicious cycle of guilt and shame.
• Social stigma and judgment: Society’s condemnation of addiction sustains feelings of guilt and shame, making people in recovery feel isolated.
• Deeply ingrained habits: Addiction creates deeply rooted habits and behaviors that are difficult to break. Changing these habits often brings feelings of guilt and shame.
• Need for support: Full recovery often requires external support, such as therapy or support groups, to effectively manage and overcome guilt and shame.

What intense emotions do you experience during a relapse?

When you relapse or return to addictive behaviors after a period of sobriety, you often experience intense and negative emotions. These feelings can be mentally and emotionally overwhelming and significantly impact the recovery process. Below is a list of the nine most common emotions that arise during a relapse.

• Disappointment: You feel deeply disappointed in yourself for not maintaining your sobriety, leading to harsh self-criticism.
• Shame: Shame is one of the most intense emotions you may experience, making you feel deeply embarrassed about your actions and the choices that led to the relapse.
• Guilt: The feeling that you have done something wrong or hurt someone due to your relapse can cause deep guilt.
• Fear: Fear of the consequences of your relapse, both personally and in your relationships, can be overwhelming. You may also feel afraid of the future and whether you can regain sobriety.
• Anger: Anger at yourself or at the situation that contributed to your relapse. This anger can be destructive if not expressed in a healthy way.
• Sadness: A deep sense of sorrow over losing your sobriety and the impact it has on your life and loved ones.
• Confusion: Relapse can lead to confusion about your identity and goals, especially if you believed you had control over your addiction.
• Low self-esteem: The sense of failure can damage your self-image, significantly lowering your self-worth.
• Loneliness: You may feel isolated from others, especially if you are ashamed to talk about your relapse or believe others will not understand or support you.

It is crucial to acknowledge that these feelings are normal and part of the recovery process. It is important to have compassion and understanding for yourself and to seek professional help or support from loved ones to navigate this difficult time

How to overcome the shame and guilt of addiction?

To overcome the shame and guilt associated with addiction, the following 9 steps are the most important

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): According to Luoma, Kohlenberg, Hayes, & Fletcher (2012), ACT effectively reduces shame in cases of addiction. It improves treatment attendance and decreases substance use by promoting acceptance of emotions and commitment to personal values.
• Recognizing That Mistakes Do Not Define a Person: Learn that past actions do not determine who you are. This helps build a new self-image that is not based on guilt.
• Practicing Forgiveness: Forgiving oneself for past mistakes, as well as forgiving others who may have contributed to addiction, can be a liberating process.
• Building a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who provide support and positive influence. Avoid toxic relationships that reinforce feelings of guilt or shame.
• Making Amends: Actively seeking ways to make up for past mistakes can help overcome guilt and rebuild relationships.
• Seeking Therapy: Professional help is essential in addressing the deeper causes of addiction and the associated feelings of shame and guilt.
• Applying Cognitive Techniques: Learn to identify and challenge negative thoughts to reduce the power of shameful feelings.
• Practicing Positive Self-Talk and Visualization: Visualize a self-image that embraces dignity and growth, reinforcing it with positive self-talk.
• Consciously Letting Go of Guilt: Recognize that excessive guilt can undermine recovery and practice consciously releasing these feelings.

By following these strategies and actively working on personal growth, individuals can begin to overcome the shame and guilt that often accompany addiction.

Is shame a major part of the addiction cycle?

Yes, shame plays a significant and ongoing role in the addiction cycle. Shame and guilt can be both destructive and constructive for recovery, depending on how they are managed and how individuals perceive their own ability to take action. This is discussed by Snoek, A., McGeer, V., Brandenburg, D., & Kennett, J. (2021) in “Managing Shame and Guilt in Addiction: A Pathway to Recovery.”

These emotions are often the starting point of the addiction cycle. Individuals experience shame as a deep negative self-evaluation, which can lead to attempts to suppress or escape these feelings through substance use.

Is shame the same as regret for drug use?

No, shame and regret are different emotions when it comes to drug use and addiction.

Shame is often described as a painful feeling caused by the realization of having done something wrong, leading to a sense of worthlessness. This emotion is usually directed at the person themselves, making them feel inherently flawed or inferior. It stems from the belief that one is unworthy or deserving of blame.

Regret, on the other hand, is more localized and specific, focusing on particular actions or decisions. It is the feeling of wishing a past choice had been different, often accompanied by guilt or remorse over the consequences of those actions.

While shame and regret are closely linked, the key distinction is that shame affects a person’s core identity, whereas regret focuses on specific actions or decisions. This distinction is crucial in the context of drug use and addiction, as shame can lead to a self-sustaining cycle of use to escape painful feelings, whereas regret can serve as a motivation to change or seek help

Why do I feel guilty when I drink?

You feel guilty when you drink primarily because alcohol impairs self-control, leading to behaviors you may later regret. These include reckless driving, risky sexual behavior, and neglecting responsibilities.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, increasing the likelihood of engaging in harmful actions. Excessive drinking can also cause concern among friends and family, making you feel like a burden. Breaking promises and failing to meet obligations further reinforce these feelings of guilt.

Is shame one of the triggers for addiction?

Yes, shame is a major trigger for addiction. Research shows that feelings of shame, stemming from the belief of being fundamentally flawed or unworthy, play a significant role in initiating and maintaining addictive behavior. People often start using substances as a way to numb painful emotions and the fear of judgment. Alcohol and drugs provide a temporary escape from these intense emotions but also create a vicious cycle of addiction.

In essence, shame is a powerful and destructive trigger that sustains addiction by pushing individuals to use substances as a way to escape the painful feelings of unworthiness and failure.